Bad Kids

Why is the assumption that if a kid misbehaves he must have terrible parents? I used to believe the same way, until I had my child. In eight years of school, only two have been good. By good I mean no phone calls by administrators, no dreading parent teacher conferences. The kid is smart, perhaps a little too smart, but in some arenas he's dumb. Not just kid dumb, but a complete idiot. When people infer he is stupid, he is really mad, but what do people see? The kid that behaves inappropriately, dresses inappropriately for the weather, and refuses to perform well, this is how people see him.

This child nearly died. I don't mean he had an accident that should have killed him or he spent some time with pneumonia. I mean severe brain bleeding, intubated, and several doctors certainty that he would not live. He's a walking miracle. Some people come from this embracing life, he embraces nothing and fears nothing. He has stared death in the face and won, what else is there. The problem is that if he cannot get himself together, he will certainly never move out or will be homeless.

His father and I are humans, so yes we make mistakes. We did coddle him after he nearly died. But at the end of the day we are an intact family, we expect great things from our children, our children face consequences for their actions. We are not pushovers. At fourteen you may not date, your curfew is 8:30 and grounded means grounded.

I have no answers I am merely a parent, I do not have the handbook for this, the owners manual was missing. I do understand that children like him create a ripple in society and that he makes things difficult for others, but he is a child, my child. I grew him in my uterus, I dropped to my knees hysterically when he was dying, I sobbed how much I love him, I stayed by his hospital bed every minute he was there. Moms with difficult children need some slack. We are trying, we are not bad people, we do not all live in poverty, with no father figures involved. We are just like you, we live and work among you. We face the same struggles, but with a difficult child attached.