Could we be more mad?

So now that all four of my children use the bathroom independently, are fully capable of getting their own beverages and food items, can play outdoors without direct supervision I have apparently decided that with my full time job and class schedule, I have time for a new being. NAPA our very loved one and a half year old dog was not enough, we adopted a new puppy, Claire. Claire is cute and lovable and everything else good one can say about a puppy. Here's the catch....She poops and pees everywhere. She loves to go outdoors but since she is invisible to everyone but me, she often goes on the floor. Thank goodness she's not a baby and will outgrow bad habits sooner than a human baby (we hope.) Meanwhile I will be picking up puppy turds and disinfecting carpet. This is not to mention all of her puppy shots and then the drama of having her spayed. This so closely parallels human babyhood, the frequent vaccinations, worrying over throw up and inspecting poo, occasionally taking it to the doctor with you.

What amazes me is how some people act as if bringing a new puppy into your home is NO BIG DEAL. Maybe these are the same people that didn't seem phased at all to be taking a new human home to care for. I was not this person. Each time, all four, I was petrified. Not necessarily of SIDS (though I worried about that too,) but mostly that I would drop them. My coordination skills are lacking, it was really a wander I didn't require bed rest simply so I didn't fall and injure my unborn child. I remember those moms at the pediatricians office. They always knew exactly what they were doing, their babies weren't wailing, they weren't frantic. Their babies lacked the appearance of those that have taken too many near falls in their mothers' arms. These (I am sure) are the same women at the vet whose dogs are perfectly behaved, the dog and owner appear to be perfectly groomed nor are either of them sniffing the butt of the other. These moms are my goal, all that I wish to be, I always try to figure out what they are hiding, maybe they're hoarders or live in terrible debt.

Injustice Anywhere is a Threat to Justice Everywhere

Still caught up in the Arizona shooting and the following fight, the discussion about addressing each other respectfully and ending hate. This is very appropriate topic matter for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day. While we all have heard of the I Have a Dream speech (which is quite moving) Dr. King's fight was for justice and respect EVERY DAY. Dr. King did not condone violence and certainly did not require armaments to make his point, yet it was made very effectively. Do all Americans enjoy justice and respect, no, but we all know of his mission and many make a point to reflect upon it this day every year.


“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Dr. King


What is poignant to me about this quote is that these words ring equally true today as they did the day they were spoken. Injustice is not just about racism or discrimination, it is also about policies that allow unjust acts to occur such as the lax gun laws people like Loughner enjoy and use or the injustice that many children face tonight when they go to bed hungry or cold. While we honor Dr. King, we should ponder his message, one that did not require guns or threats or scare tactics. Dr. King made no mention of death panels or use the worst case scenario to sell his ideals. Even today the best quotes are those of peace, justice and respect, these same words that organized a movement.

Why can't we all just get along?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105384977

Israel and Palestine is a conflict that has gone on as long as I can remember. One side wishes for peace the other hinders the process and it goes on. Any time our government criticizes Israel, they face backlash from its citizens, but when we support Israel we face backlash from the international world. As I sit in my warm home with my children without fear of bombings or being displaced I feel terrible for the children of both sides of this conflict. All they have ever known is war, fear and hatred.

Most of the everyday people of this region wish for peace, they wish for a two state solution. Many Palestinians are not members of the suicide bomb gang and though all Israelis are required to serve in the military, they just want to live their lives. Unfortunately the latest round of talks was thwarted by Israel's expansion of housing into Palestinian territory, giving the feeling that Israel's government would like nothing more than to push Palestinians further out of their territory. The bottom line is that Israel has done this many times breaking UN rules, crossing lines.

The Arab world, with whom we must be friendly, hates our backing of Israel in this. When Roosevelt sat down with the Saudi King, even he was told all those years ago that supporting the Jews in Palestine would cause strife in relations with Arabs. Was he right or what? Israel now has the perception it can do whatever it likes and frankly what do Palestinians have to lose? They don't even have a real home. As we send armaments to Israel since we now require an ally in that region of the world, we send money for basic human needs for Palestinians, many of whom do not have access to basic needs like drinking water.

The Jews needed a home after WWII clearly they were no longer safe in Europe. Whether the Israeli solution was right or wrong, we are now faced with two groups. One that keeps its population burgeoning beyond what its nation can handle and another bitter over what has been lost and the way they are now forced to live. All these years later and this is not a plan for peace. My question in these situations is always how does the US overrule the UN, what gives us that kind of power? If the people, the common everyday people see the solution why is it not then happening?

MLK

Martin Luther King day is looming. This puts into perspective where we stand with race today. Many believe that if our president is black this is no longer an issue. Let me just say that the most poignant portion of the presidential election results in November 2009 was Jesse Jackson weeping openly about what this meant for his fight. I can only imagine how Martin Luther King may have felt at this moment. Would he too feel the same pride and disappointed all at the same time that I feel? Would he feel the dismay over hate ads attacking Health Care reform propagandizing it as socialism and even worse as something containing death panels? Would he too feel the racial undertones of those refusing to accept a black man as president by questioning his right as the birthers have done or a fellow public official yelling "You lie" during the presidents most important address to the people, The State of the Union?



I wonder how far things have come since this little girl walked to school in her Sunday best flanked by U.S. Marshalls no doubt feeling the tangible hatred all around her? I once again find myself proud and a little ashamed of my fellow society members.

Tiger Moms

I listened to an interview with the author of "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua with Michele Martin yesterday. What I was struck the most about was not the way she treated her children or the perfection she demanded, but the way mothers judge one another sometimes quite harshly. Not one of us knows what we are doing. We are all given this creature that we love innately and will defend regardless of the cost. We read the books, magazines and web pages. We all fret about breast or bottle, when to start solids and if our child is doing what they are supposed to. We brag to other moms about our child's accomplishments. This is all before the age of one. We all do it, some more subtly than others, competing, worrying, hoping we stack up.

The problem is that we are all a part of the same tribe, the tribe of mothers. Deep down we all want what every other mom on the face of the planet wants; happy, healthy kids. But we judge, we pick, we make comments, we compare. We see a mom struggle in the supermarket and while we may help out or flash an apologetic grin at her, deep down we sneer. That is not us in this moment and we are somehow better right now than she. We have goals for our children, aspirations, expectations. Deep down we are all "tiger moms." We all fight for what should belong to our children, for the hope we saw when we were handed this being we loved innately. It's the method that differs.

Bad Kids

Why is the assumption that if a kid misbehaves he must have terrible parents? I used to believe the same way, until I had my child. In eight years of school, only two have been good. By good I mean no phone calls by administrators, no dreading parent teacher conferences. The kid is smart, perhaps a little too smart, but in some arenas he's dumb. Not just kid dumb, but a complete idiot. When people infer he is stupid, he is really mad, but what do people see? The kid that behaves inappropriately, dresses inappropriately for the weather, and refuses to perform well, this is how people see him.

This child nearly died. I don't mean he had an accident that should have killed him or he spent some time with pneumonia. I mean severe brain bleeding, intubated, and several doctors certainty that he would not live. He's a walking miracle. Some people come from this embracing life, he embraces nothing and fears nothing. He has stared death in the face and won, what else is there. The problem is that if he cannot get himself together, he will certainly never move out or will be homeless.

His father and I are humans, so yes we make mistakes. We did coddle him after he nearly died. But at the end of the day we are an intact family, we expect great things from our children, our children face consequences for their actions. We are not pushovers. At fourteen you may not date, your curfew is 8:30 and grounded means grounded.

I have no answers I am merely a parent, I do not have the handbook for this, the owners manual was missing. I do understand that children like him create a ripple in society and that he makes things difficult for others, but he is a child, my child. I grew him in my uterus, I dropped to my knees hysterically when he was dying, I sobbed how much I love him, I stayed by his hospital bed every minute he was there. Moms with difficult children need some slack. We are trying, we are not bad people, we do not all live in poverty, with no father figures involved. We are just like you, we live and work among you. We face the same struggles, but with a difficult child attached.

The Arizona Shooting

Everything I read about the Arizona shooting makes my heart drop just a bit more. Is this possibly the end game, what does us all in? I do believe that several people exist that feel another revolution is or will be necessary to ensure our American rights. These people feel that the rest of us simply don't get it but any consequence is worth reverting to the America unknown since 1950. They feel they are overtaxed, the government has grown too large and not enough people work hard to achieve the "American dream."

A nine year old girl was killed, gone forever. Her parents will never be able to restrict her from dating, revoke her cell phone privileges, or have mini heart attacks when she gets behind the steering wheel for the first time. This was an act carried out by a madman, of that we can be certain. The issue arises though that public figures feel no responsibility for the roles they have chosen for themselves, everyone from Miley Cyrus smoking dope to Sarah Palin putting cross hairs on certain policy makers. These people are examples to someone and have to be aware that people exist that will take them seriously.

This is not a left right issue though, it is a human issue. I too have been guilty of feeling hatred toward someone of a different political party and laugh when they are nailed on different venues. We have become divisive. I feel strongly that we have different political parties to maintain a balance, but this must be carried out in a rational, respectable manner.

What does this have to do with a 9 year old girl? The child was collateral damage in the quest of a madman to end certain policies. Some of his rants sound familiar, things heard from the ultra left and tea-partiers both. He took the extremes from both sides and in his twisted brain used them to carry out actions that were life ending and altering.